I've Found A Reason For Me

Why are parents so keen on seeing their children self-destruct? I'm not talking to my parents or any parents specifically but just that I've talked with more people with parent issues than anything. I'm not talking about regular arguing like all teenagers do, I'm talking about the kind where the parents hate and spite their children for things so small it's unbelievable.

Do they forget what it's like to be seventeen, eighteen, nineteen? Do they not remember the stress we put on ourselves to succeed. It's not like we like to be harped on - we really don't. We stress ourselves out enough, thanks. We don't like disappointing you anymore than you like being disappointed in us.

Your words hurt, Parents. Remember that the next time you yell at your kid for something as trivial as leaving their shoes in the wrong place. Stop and listen to us when we have something we need your opinion on. It doesn't take a lot to make us happy. We just want your love and attention. The more we get that, the more apt we are to complete tasks you ask of us.

I know it seems simple, Parents, but next time your kid ticks you off speak to them how you'd want someone to speak to you in the same situation.

Thanks,
A Child

Well Schooled In Ranting

I'm just in the middle of what appears to be a downpour of shit and I just feel like writing out my thoughts - so you, my beautiful readers, get to read my mind. Ain't that nice how that works out?

The forefront thought of my mind right now is holyfuckingcrap Jenna is in the hospital. My bestest friend is in the hospital twelve hours north of me in Minnesnowduh. Luckily, she has her computer and can communicate with me on occasion. (mini-party). I'm just like skeeved out because the only people I know that have been in the hospital for an extended period of time is me and then family members. Plus, I really really REALLY hate that she's that far away. RAWR. But the good news is she's on the mend and the more rest she gets the better she'll feel. (hence my incessant 'JEZZ TAKE A NAP' speeches)

Thought number two. I really don't know what thought number two is. There's too many thoughts competing for it.

uhm. I really hate school. I'd love to drop out but unfortunately me going to school gets my parents more money and they're really good at that guilt thing.

My Aunt and My Mom are fighting and it makes me want to cry. I really can't stand arguments of any kind and especially over something so trivial.

I'm supposed to go to my bff Felicia's house in like nine hours. I've yet to be to sleep and I still need to shower. Yippeeeee. :) Oh well. I'll get both those things done then go chill in her kickass room. We write together. VERY AWESOME

I'm in love with Mitchell Davis.
Hey Hi Hello. <3

I hate Indiana and if i do get to do what I want, I really hope to move somewhere that isn't here. Hai Interwebz franz lemme crash on yo cowch? kthnx bai!

I'm going through a lot with my original character, Austin Hawthorne, right now. She's a tricky bitch and I love her. It's really great. Having characters is like your own socially acceptable form of schizophrenia. hehehe. It always makes me think of that one ep of X-Files though. Milagro. One of my favorite eps. CHECK IT OUT.

My hidradenitis is fucking up. Major ouchorz.

I've fallen back in love with CSI: - but once Jorja Fox does her final ep, I'm done. Sara Sidle fan ftw. (I swear I am the only person alive who loves Jorja Fox/Sara Sidle/Grissom&Sara)

CSI:NY is like my lifeline. Can I have a codependent relationship with a show? Cause yeah, that'd be the one. It makes me all peaceful inside.

Also falling for SVU. Dear Elliot & Liv, please get together and do it NOW. :)

I guess I should head to bed. It's raining.
YAY

-Jules

Moving Directly To Hell

Has anyone noticed it's freaking cold outside? No? Just me? Okay then.

I'm beginning to think it's a rule. Jenna posts a blog, Julia posts a blog. She's like my blog encourager (not to mention best friend and CSI:NY Yoda. Who knew creepy emails could lead to such a thing? Not I. -specially when I'm the creep.)

Oreo is snoring on my leg and it's hard to think that he's almost an adult dog. He's my baby. Actually Spooky is my baby. Why do I have so much to say about my pets?

Why is it five thirty in the morning and mostly why am I awake?

I've yet to figure out how, but I'm blaming this all on Jenna. :) Aren't I nice?

I hate winter. I'm moving to hell til at least April. Freaking cold winter ftl.

I should be using this awake time to write my paper and do homework, but being productive is vastly overrated.

-hums- the geeks were right.

I doubt anyone reads this and those that do are probably as confused as potable vermin by my rants.

hmm.

Oh. EVERYONE must go and read Ballads of Suburbia by Stephanie Kuenhert. It's absolutely one of the best things I have ever read. Also check out I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone by her. :) It's worth it.

Now because my AIM convo thing is flashing incessantly and Jenna ranks above you all. I shall end this blog post.

Love, Julia

Livin' On The Edge of Everything

Tomorrow is my 18th birthday. My Uncle's dad is visiting and for the first time in 18 years I get to call someone Grandpa. I'm so excited over that. My cousins are going to be there for the dinner and I've missed them so darn much. I'm hanging out with my best friends on Monday. Eating pixie stix and watching movies all afternoon. I love them.
My Mom painted my nails today. It's NYC polish and it's called 'West Village', I love it. Lily's in NYC today. I'm so jealous. haha. She got to meet John Schnieder - lucky hoe.
I'm watching Halloweentown 2 and then Independence Day. Trying to kill time. Six hours and twenty-six minutes.
I'm tired. I want to take a nap
I'm bored.
Jenna isn't online - me thinks she's with the PR girls or something. IDK.
I have this fic in my head, I just gotta get it from my head to the computer.
blah blah blah
alright
alright
idk
I'm done
-Julia

Where Were You When The World Stop Turning?

Today is 9/11/09, it's been eight years since that fateful September morning in 2001. There's a song by Alan Jackson, 'Where Were You When The World Stopped Turning?' and I realize that world really did stop turning on 9/11, but the American people gathered an amazing strength and kept on living. I'll never forget that day, so now I'm gonna tell my story, why don't you tell me yours too?
I was in 4th Grade at Mary Raber Elementary in my tiny Indiana Town. Nothing bad ever happens here, it's safe. When we got to school at a quarter til 8, everything was still normal. We made our way through the previous nights homework, I think we reviewed some Indiana History. Then Mrs. Reith took us down to Art with Mr. Bailey. He had the TV on and we all were transfixed by it. There was fires in New York, something had struck the Trade Centers. I didn't even know what the Trade Centers were.
Mr. Bailey said we could have the TV on as long as we kept doing our work. There was no protest, I don't think any one of us could even remember how to speak. It was the most hauntingly silent I've ever heard a bunch of ten year olds. I sat at one of the lunch style tables and worked on my geometric shape project. It was green, purple, and blue and it looked uncannily like camo.
Then I heard a gasp and my head snapped up, the towers were falling. My hand covered my mouth and I watched it unfold before my eyes. This wasn't supposed to happen, this is America, we doing the ass kicking.
When we got back to our classroom, the Principal had ordered that all TV's be shut off for the remainder of the day. I'm not sure, but I think we're the only ones who saw it. While a lot of the other teachers tried to keep peace and go on with their daily lessons, I think Mrs. Reith did the best thing she ever could've done for us.
We talked about it.
We talked about it for Lord knows how long. We sat there and talked for most of the day and then she had us take out our Writer's Journals and we wrote about it; what we were feeling, what we thought was happening... We shared our thoughts and it was the most binding act for a class that had been rather divided.
I got home that afternoon and mom snapped the TV off and I informed her I already saw it.
9/11 made me become rather patriotic, walking in the Memorial Day Parade became something that I had to do. Getting to carry the American Flag the following year for the parade made my heart swell. I love America.
There's a song by Darryl Worley called 'Have You Forgotten?' and I don't think we have. We may try to push it to the back of our minds, but there is no way to forget what happened. But there's a line I love from that song: "People say this country's just out lookin' for a fight, well after 9/11 man, I'd have to say that's right."
Toby Keith's Angry American [Courtesy of the Red, White, & Blue]: "We'll put a boot in your ass, it's the American way"
GOD BLESS AMERICA.
To Marcus Mullins & Ron Betts, thanks for protecting our country.

Thoughts & Prayers to America.
-Julia

From Where I'm Standing

So, not an actual lot has happened since I last blogged on August 10th. Okay. that's a lie. I started Junior Year at Whitko High School in South Whitley, Indiana [No Stalkers plz]. I like it. The kids are a lot nicer and teachers are far more apt to help. It's about half the size of my old school and in a much small town [I know, I didn't know that was possible either]. Three of my cousins and some old friends go there, so that's nice.
Creative Writing is the best class ever and Mrs. Waterfield is shamazing.
I actually do not have a teacher I dislike. The TA in Math is a little..... reserved, but she's even tolerable.

I have 2 new OC's for my fanfics.
1) Austin Hawthorne. She's Danny Messer's best friend and Don Flack's love. She's got a super troubled past and Danny's the only one who knows all her secrets. She's a police officer with high hopes of making Det. someday.
2) Blake Monroe. Lindsay Monroe-Messer's [squeee] niece and she's hell on wheels. In season 6 she comes to live with Danny and Lindsay and they try to set her right.

DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU WANT TO REMAIN SEASON 6 CSI:NY SPOILER FREE:

what the fuck are they doing!? putting Adam and Stella together. Hello major fail. I can't even think about it without laughing, it's that hysterical. And OHMYGOD. My Baby Danny is in a wheel chair cause he takes a bullet in the back and I quote "Can't feel my legs" and Lindsay's horrified face. I sobbed. I SOBBED when I saw that. I MEAN WHAT ABOUT THE BABY! He's got a little Montana to keep up.

GAH! SEPT 23 GET HERE NAOW!

Peace, Love & good tunes
-julia

Whitko Wildcat 2011

So uhm, I'm officially in at Whitko. signed up for my classes last Friday and went to Orientation today. I think it's going to be a good year, it feels like it. I have a lot of friends who go there, all my classes are relatively close together. I get to ride in the car every morning with one of my favorite people. I have two classes and lunch with Ashley and I might have some with Taz & Boo.
I've been writing a lot, but ffnet is havin' mental malfunctions. drivin' me BONKERZZZZ. Anyways. Jennaboo is sick, so I'm writing her stuff til she gets better (but she might never get better if I keep it up. LOL)
hmm.
so yeah.
that's it
dinner's ready
-julia

pins & needles

So, tomorrow I have to call Whitko and set up an appointment with the guidance counselor to register for school. And I'm all knotted up inside cause they can still say 'no', that I'm not welcome to their school (which would SUCK considering I've already bought my gear and set up transpo. Plus I lose my SS & insurance. Basically it would SUCK).
Whatever. I need to write before I lose my mind.
I also need a job.
Who the fuck is hiring in CC or SW?
Whatever.
-j

Some people change

The picture on the left is me now, present day. The picture on the right was taken roughly a year ago. I'm amazed out how much I've changed in the year. I know it sounds like I am full of myself, but I'm not the same person I was a year ago. A year ago, I was sixteen, I was severely depressed with insanely suicidal thoughts. I cut between 6-8 inches off my hair and dyed it black. I became a stranger in my own body, it was like I didn't know who I was anymore. In August of last year I went to Parkview Behavioral Health (Charter Beacon) for issues with S.I. (self-harm). It was hard for me to admit it then, I didn't want to say it. I was so mad and angry at my family and at myself and I didn't know how to handle anything.
Now, I'm still angry and I bitter, but I handle it better. I have a whole team of people who help me and have kept me 'clean'. I know that it's okay to reach out and say "I need help."
A friend said something to me and it just made me realize how different I am. She told me that I had such an optimistic outlook. I didn't a year ago. Then I realized, life is so much bigger than this. It's bigger than my family and the disappointment. It's bigger than the pain. There's a beauty in it and I see it now.
-sigh-
long winded, I know.
I'm just thankful for everyone. I really am.
I'm not ashamed of who I was, but I'm proud of who I've become. If that makes any sense at all.
Love.Love.Love.
-Julia

Here's to the strong
Thanks to the brave
don't give up hope
some people change
against all odds
against the grain
love finds a way
some people change
-Montgomery Gentry;

"Let's go torch cars!" "With love?"

It's been awhile since we've gotten together as a group -Tara, Keith, and I. The last time we were all in the same room was Tara's going away party at the end of frosh year -that's insane. Keith and I were never really good friends, but we started talking a lot lately and now it's like we've always been good friends, which is awesome (seeing as he's dating one of my best friends, Felicia).
Tara was down from Canada for the weekend and she came to me and was like "We ALL have to get together and party." Well, she could only get ahold of me and Keith, but that's fine because Lynn and Jenny aren't getting along.
Felicia joined us this time and that rocked. We met at Brewha and drang tea & coffee and played monopoly til Felicia had to leave for work.
And then there were three.
Poor Keith, stuck with two girls, he was a minority :).
We hung out at the coffee house for awhile longer, playing a game of LIFE. That was fun. HA! We didn't even finish because we got so distracted. We ended up playing 'Would you rather?'. Then we went on an 'adventure' to get bread at Aldi's for my mom and to Wal-mart to see the hardwood floors (stupid stupid floors).
It was pretty ridiculous, but I laughed so hard my stomach hurt.
Anyways, how as your weekend?
-Julia

"I am Horatio Cane..."
"I want a piece of coffee..."

And the world's worst blogger goes tooooo...

Uhm HAI!
I so totally forgot about this thing, til I left a comment of Jenna's blog.
Who's Jenna?
Oh she's this messed chick -completely tore up from the floor up. LULZ. I love her. She's my mindtwin. Seriously, we were seperated a birth by a couple of years and a few hundred miles.

I'm going to Whitko this year. GOOOO WILDCATS -.-
Whatever, it's better than Chlamydia Shitty HS.
hmm.
idk
I love Carmine Giovinazzo.
better post latah hatahs!